Thinking...

It may seem ridiculous at “my age” to be trying to figure out “who I am,” (sorry to leap immediately into the overused cliché of adolescence), but a combination of recent influences has left me with a lingering surface uneasiness that I may not actually know what I am. Setting aside the more overt questions like “Who am I?” and “What is my purpose in life?” (there are some really interesting and inspiring answers to these questions on my church’s website), I want to know why I am the way I am. Moot as this point may be, given that my children hopefully inherited my egotistical determination that I WILL be whatever/whomever I choose, I have still thought long and hard about the people I hope my children will become, and how to parent them best so that they actually have a chance to be those people. Centuries ago, there were people strewn across the british isles (we can trace most lines back to the 17th century to Ireland, Scotland, Wales, and Suffolk, England) living their lives, raising their families, and making the kind of decisions that while merely life-altering to them, were so monumental in the grand scheme of things that looking back I can only gape and wonder at where they got the nerve. John Rencher was born in 1712 in Ireland, but his son John Grant was born in Raleigh, NC in 1750. He probably left his homeland during or after the famine in 1740. I wonder if he resolved to spare himself and his progeny cold and hunger. That we know of, there were at least 3 generations of Renchers (probably Renshaws) who had lived successively in the same place in Ireland, likely many more. Were they in favor with the British occupiers? Was his flight an escape from some unknowable political conflict? What can he have thought of North Carolina when he arrived? He MUST have wondered if he would ever be COOL again. On and on it goes, my grandmother’s line arrives much later in America, sometime between 1831 and 1873, while the Stewart line, (my mother’s) abandoned Scotland between 1650 and 1674, when my 7-times great-grandfather was born in North Carolina (again North Carolina!). They completely missed the uprisings! I wonder what flaws of character they might have passed on to me—or strengths, if I have any. I wish I knew more about them than can be represented by the date and place of birth and death, although I am grateful for that, of course. I believe that one way to make my life more than just a b.1972, UT, USA is somehow to infuse in my children whatever good I have in me. The thing I am trying so clumsily to articulate is that I don’t know what was given me by the confluence of destiny that is my family heritage, and how the heck to pass it on.

Little piece of childhood.....

Circus animals, the smell of Jergens lotion, the cool, dry air of basement playrooms, and the hugs of extended family strangers all remind me of our almost-yearly treks back to the western US into the embrace of my family heritage. Fresh from our East Coast isolation, it always took a day or two to warm up to the cousins, aunts, uncles and grandmas that all seemed to go together just fine without us. And if (a BIG IF) we got lucky, we'd get these pink and white sugar-balls to go along with the reunion. I'm on my way after work to see if I can find some because I just found out that MOTHER'S, after 94 years in business, gave up the ghost last month. Goodbye circus animal cookies--I, for one, am going to miss you.

Distressing...

"It is disturbing that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is being singled out for speaking up as part of its democratic right in a free election.

Members of the Church in California and millions of others from every faith, ethnicity and political affiliation who voted for Proposition 8 exercised the most sacrosanct and individual rights in the United States — that of free expression and voting.

While those who disagree with our position on Proposition 8 have the right to make their feelings known, it is wrong to target the Church and its sacred places of worship for being part of the democratic process.

Once again, we call on those involved in the debate over same-sex marriage to act in a spirit of mutual respect and civility towards each other. No one on either side of the question should be vilified, harassed or subject to erroneous information."

See What Happens???

Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are